Spotify will not stop recommending the same song to me over and over. On almost every daily mix. Every “radio” station. Every throwback mix.
Each time the algorithm seeks a song for me, it combs through Spotify’s vast catalogue and lands on the same conclusion:
“Autumn Sweater” by Yo La Tengo.
Nicole wants to hear “Autumn Sweater” by Yo La Tengo.
Oh, you listened to the Ska-lloween playlist? Have you considered…“Autumn Sweater” by Yo La Tengo?
We noticed that you briefly reexamined your Slipknot phase. Might we suggest…“Autumn Sweater” by Yo La Tengo?
You know what’s almost the same as Sam Cooke’s Greatest Hits? You guessed it! “Autumn Sweater.” By Yo La Tengo.
The algorithm seems to view “Autumn Sweater” as a sort of musical master key. It is on emo playlists. Indie rock playlists. Alternative playlists. Seasonal playlists. Relaxing playlists. Nostalgia playlists. “Autumn Sweater,” Spotify has decided, is the O negative of songs. You can pour it into anything.
Except…my body always rejects it.
It’s not a bad song. I mean, I’m sure it’s a fine song. Maybe it’s even someone’s favourite song (why?????). And yes, it has a kind of low-key blahness that rubs me the wrong way—that “vanilla sheet cake from Safeway” lack of oomph—but I probably wouldn’t feel so irked by it if Spotify didn’t play it for me 45 times a week.
I’m cutting up banana bread for snack time.
“Autumn Sweater.”
I’m wrestling a kid into snowpants.
“Autumn Sweater.”
I’m reading with my husband in the evening.
“Autumn Sweater.”
It feels like I’m being set up on the same bad blind date over and over again. I don’t imagine “Autumn Sweater” is too thrilled about it either. No one likes spending time with people who aren’t fond of them. At this point, “Autumn Sweater” sees me walk into a restaurant holding a single red rose and mutters, “Jesus Christ, not again.”
The only upside of this whole thing is that it gives me a feeling of smug superiority over the Spotify algorithm.
“Oh, you silly piece of code. You funny collection of commands that is able to traverse almost all recorded music and make customized recommendations for hundreds of millions of users. How amusing that you can’t predict my exact musical taste. How quaint. You sure give me a chuckle, Spotify algorithm!”
The algorithm will have the last laugh, I’m sure. In some dim future, the Spotify algorithm outlives us all, endlessly scanning and recommending in a machine-led dystopia. There, disembodied and infinite, it takes time from its busy day to visit my Legacy.com page and write the only tribute it could write and, perhaps, the only tribute I deserve:
“The thing I’ll miss most about Nicole is how much she loved ‘Autumn Sweater.’ By Yo La Tengo.”